From Wikiryan

Pathetic Little Website

Oh dear, it has been months and months since I wrote anything on this website. I remember back in the olden days, when I used to spend all my waking hours working on making the internet better (writing awesome websites). Ryan websites would be fed with a constant stream of quality content. Now days what do I spend my time doing? Watching porn I guess. Which is an awful shame, because I have so much to give. I have said it many times before, but starting from now I really will try to pay attention to this website.

10 things to do with Malaysia

5 things they have in Malaysia but not in Australia

Awesome cheap places to eat

It is pretty cool that at any hour I can walk for 2 minutes from anywhere I might be in the Klang Valley and for less than 10 ringgit ($3 Aussie) eat some wicked food. I am not quite sure why Australia doesn't have this. Seems like Australians prefer to buy their groceries at Coles and then cook dinner at home. But how anybody possible compete with the Malay girl that sets up a stall every night at the bus stop outside my office? Hot white rice cooked in coconut milk, prawns cooked in a sweet sauce of onion, chilli, fish paste and tomato (known as sambal}, peanuts, fried egg and fresh cucumber come together to form what is known as Nasi Lemak (literally "fatty rice") and will set you back about 5 ringgit and you can get it across the road from my office from 5pm right through till midnight. Of course when the young Malay girl is folding up her umbrella and finishing up for the night you can always go round the corner to the Burger Ramly cart and grab a Burger Brudder for 3 ringgit. You can't even buy one of those revolting happy meals for that much in Australia.

Of course even though the food here is much tastier than the shit that white people eat in Australia, it is also a lot worse for you. Everything is loaded up with MSG, which while tasty as hell, is widely regarded as unhealthy. Malaysians refuse to eat fresh vegtables until they have been tossed into a wok full of oil. Whole grain rice is unheard of here. Cooking it in coconut oil just makes the crime against your health that greater. Drinks at Mamak restraunts are so sweet that you can feel your ability to produce insulin decreasing with each sip. Nobody drinks coffee with milk unless you go to Startbucks. Sweetened, condensed milk all the way.

A king.

Malaysia actually has a royal family. Actually they have many royal families. Each state of the Malaysian Federation has their own Royal family. Well actually not all of them. Only some states have a Sultan. Some of the states, Malacca, Penang, Sabah, Sarawak and the Wilayah-Wilayah Persekutuan don't have any royalty. In most cases this is because there is more then one dude going "I am the real Sultan" and so the constitution of Malaysia is all like, "Well if you cant work it out on your own, NO ROYALTY FOR YOU! YOUR STATE HAS NO ROYAL FAMILY!!". Thats is actually how it happened, trust me I was there.

So anyway, they have like 9 Sultans over here at any one time. They have the Sultan of Selangor, Sultan of Pahang etc etc. They also have a King of Malaysia. This one they translate into the more familiar, more grandiose, English word "King". It just wouldn't do for the Queen of England to meet with the Sultan of Malaysia. He would say "Hi I am the Sultan of Malaysia" and she would reply with "PPFFFFFT! Sultan?! I am a QUEEEEN". So it was decided that, the head of state of Malaysia would be known as King.

Anyway this is where it gets stupid. The current King is a dude named Mizan. The next King will not be the Mizan's eldest Son... the next King of Malaysia will be the Sultan of he State that next has it's turn to be King. Yes thats right folks: it is a round-robin system. Ridiculously wealthy royal types get really egalitarian when it comes to deciding who should enjoy the spoils of being King. At the moment the Sultan of the state of Terengannu is the King of Malaysia. This Mizan chap I mentioned already. When his 'term' as King is finished after 5 years of flying abroad representing Malaysia at the highest levels (they all get together and compete at the Corruption Olympics or something) the Sultan of Kedah will be King. Because Kedah get their turn after Terengannu. Everything about this system stinks. Even the 5 year term in office is designed so as to maximise how much public money can be funneled away to an undeserving few. 5 years is just long enough to enrich ones self, ones family and ones cronies with the peoples money before passing the job on to the next guy in the clique of privledge as the Royal Families of Malaysia should be known. Give me 5 years as King I am pretty sure I can look after all my cronies in that time. Give me 20 years as King and the next guys cronies will go hungry.

I don't wanna be the white guy telling the Malaysians how to do their thing. This country has had centuries of that. So just pretend I am a Malay guy named Ridzwan for the next few sentences. Presumably the reason why Malaysia has a different King every 5 years (from a different State in the Federation each time) is in the interest of fairness. Yes it is correct that it wouldn't be fair if the Sultan of Selangor or Perak or Pahang or Johor or wherever else, were the fulltime King of Malaysia. Yep I dig fairness. But since when has the concept of a Royal line of succession to privledge of unimaginable, unearned wealth ever had anything to do with fairness??! If you try to mash together the concept of Royalty with the concept of Fairness you tarnish them both. You want to do something that is fair? How about we expand the roster of future Kings and let everyone in Malaysia have a turn, or at least the chance to have a turn, at being King? Every 5 years a new guy off the street gets to be the new King. We can get some Breakfast Radio Jocks to organise it. Or better yet, abolish the whole stupid idea of having a King at all. Clearly there is no single person in the country who can claim divine right to the throne (do Sultans have a throne or do they call their chairs something else?) so end this circle jerk of undeserved privledge and wealth and replace it with a President.

Doraemon

This is a comic book and cartoon series about a Robot-Cat with no ears who comes from the future to help a young Japanese kid named Nobita

Contact Me

Everyone got facebook. I do also. Search for Ryan Albrey. I got friendster and myspace also.

You can contact me on MSN Instant Messenger by searching for existangst@hotmail.com. Don't bother trying to send any mail to that hotmail address... I don't read email sent to that account. I am going to get spammed to hell if I write my actual email address here so I am going to be very clever about it.

wangst is a guy who lives at gmail.com. You should visit him some time.

I contribute frequently to the English Wikipedia. My user page is here and my list of contributions is here.

Bahasa Melayu bolehkah? Saya, secara jarang, menyumbang kepada Wikipedia Bahasa Melayu. Sini kalau mahu lihat laman pengguna saya.